Marilyn Colwell

Believe it or not, when we choose to be who we are. To respect ourselves, our bodies, our morals. When we make the decision to stay authentic and real, we gravitate to people who do the same. When you choose to do these things, when you decide to put yourself first, you raise your standards. When we decide to be kind. To love fully and honestly, we open ourselves up to the true meaning of love. We spend time working on ourselves. Our lives. We fall in love with who we are, confidently. We deal with our own insecurities, our own trust issues and while doing that, we wait. We don’t jump into a relationship for the attention or comfort. We don’t chase after someone to keep us busy. We just wait.

We wait for the man who values who we truly are, not someone we pretend to be.

We wait for the man who respects us because we choose to respect ourselves and expect nothing less.

We wait for the man who adds to our happiness but is not responsible for it.

We wait for the man whose phone we don’t feel a desire to go through when he leaves the room and vice versa.

We wait for the man who learns us, inside and out. The man who knows our body language and what our quiet sighs mean. Who knows when we tap our foot or take a deep breath, we might be frustrated or feeling anxious.

We wait for the man who chooses to communicate with us and come to a resolution versus storming out of the door not to come home for hours on end.

We wait for the man who loves us for everything we offer without trying to change a single thing.

We wait for the man who appreciates us. Who is patient with us. Who even when frustrated, doesn’t raise his voice at us.

We wait for the man we can give the best version of ourselves to. Who we can care for and love without comparing to others. Who we do not hold accountable for others that have done us wrong. Who we do not provide an ultimatum to. Who we support. Who we respect and love. Who we can communicate with. Who makes us want to be better.

You wait for that man. But the right man starts with the right you.

Focus on yourself, for yourself. 

-MK

It happens in the blink of an eye. One day, you’re 12 years old, riding your bike, playing with friends. You have no clue what the real world is like. The trials and tribulations that will be thrown your way but in that very moment, you know exactly what you want in life. Who you want to be, what you want to be. You know when you want to be married and the type of house you want to live in. You know exactly how many kids you can see yourself chasing after and tucking in at the end of the day. It seems SO simple, right?

But just like that. You’re grown and thats when it hits you. All of the things you wanted to accomplish that for one reason or another, didn’t happen. The path you took, is slightly different than the one you mapped out. Your job? not everything you thought it would be. Married? Let alone kids? Those deadlines you gave yourself are long gone.

It hits you like a ton of bricks. It can feel like in that moment all hope for that picture you painted is gone. Maybe you thought you found your fairytale ending and it didn’t work out. Maybe the dream job you wanted, just wasn’t for you. But it’s never too late. You can  take a new path. You can make a change. It might seem like all is lost at times, like the deadlines have passed and thats it. But life doesn’t work like that.

We give ourselves time frames to accomplish things based on what society tells us but the truth is, all that does is make us complacent. It makes us tolerate things that don’t actually fulfill us. That don’t make our hearts and minds happy. Most times, they aren’t healthy. We settle because it’s what “we are supposed to do”. We hang on to bad relationships, careers that don’t inspire us, cities that we’ve outgrown. We stay put because we fear judgement, failure and just being lonely.

But it’s not too late to start a new journey, to set new goals or to chase new dreams. It’s okay to walk away from a bad relationship or career. It’s okay to take a risk, to move to a new city. To start fresh.

We all paint pictures of life, sometimes we just forget that we’re allowed to take them off the wall and replace them.

-MC

Toxic is defined as something poisonous. Something at risk for default. Or that is simply, bad + unhealthy. It’s ultimately the perfect and most common explanation to a relationship gone wrong. Whether it’s with a friend, family member or significant other.

We can usually find ourselves reflecting back to situations and being able to point out the unhealthy choices, words, actions and so on. However, far too often… do we overlook that we ourselves contributed to that.

It is so easy to point blame and realize what someone has done to us. How they had made US feel. What areas they needed to improve on. But it takes a lot more to step completely outside of the box- and understand how WE also became part of the problem. Honestly, we might have been majority of the problem. We tend to overlook how our behavior, made things unhealthy as well. How we could have done better. How our own flaws actually contributed.

With that being said, it doesn’t mean everything could be different. Fact of the matter, some people add fuel to someone else’s fire without even trying and that’s just how it goes. There is nothing wrong with simply not being good with someone. You can’t be everyones ray of sunshine and not everyone will be yours- no matter what you feel you bring to the table.

It’s important to understand that toxic traits can come in so many different forms. What we might not view as a big deal, can in all actuality, be pretty terrible. From not communicating properly, lacking self-awareness, being overly defensive, commitment issues.  The list goes on and on. But these unhealthy traits, do not have to seem out of this world either. They can be as simple as hanging up the phone when you get into a disagreement. Thinking you can fix or change someone. Not listening to understand but just to reply. Ending your relationship after an argument. Never saying you’re sorry. Not communicating how something makes you feel or even just not asking for help when you need it.

We all have unhealthy habits, it’s being able to recognize them, accepting them for what they are and choosing to work on them- that makes the difference. Owning up to our imperfections and growing to become better- not perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist and the expectation of perfect, is toxic in itself.

At the end of the day, the state of simply being toxic, isn’t healthy. For anyone or anything. Understanding where we need our own improvement or where we struggle is key to becoming less harmless in other peoples lives as well as in our own.

-MC

My goal with incorporating blogging into my small business, was to just keep things real. To share the behind the scenes, ups and downs, the feelings, thoughts and just life in general. The pretty, the ridiculous, the sweet and even the ugly.

So as far as being real goes…let’s talk about defeat. That is exactly what I’m feeling lately and I know I am so far from alone on that. It’s almost like… when you’re on a roller coaster and you’ve already hit the first big hill and now you’re flying over all the little humps until you feel the breaks kick in and you start ascending up next big hill. But those constant ups and downs in between, boy oh boy- that’s where I’m at.

My mind is racing non-stop, trying to process idea after idea, thought after thought, plan after plan. To the point I’m feeling burnt out, literally, without doing anything. Like I’m rushing around constantly and there is simply nothing to show for it.

I find myself thinking “okay, let’s just take a breather and reset” every few hours- until finally I hit this point of, “forget it, tomorrow is a new day”.

Most of it stems from the current state of uncertainty. Not knowing what’s coming next, when work will resume, what business will be like tomorrow or next week or next month. Wondering if the short-term goals that I’ve set are more so out of reach than I had hoped.

It feels like I’m pouring time and effort into everything without knowing if it’s even making a difference at this point. Like the wheels are spinning and you THINK you might be moving but you can’t quite tell. It’s exhausting. Basically “rebuilding” a business from the ground up – after having poured six years of blood sweat and tears into it. You think quarantine would be a breath of fresh air almost. All the time in the world to just focus on it. But it almost feels more exhausting than before. I think for me, it’s knowing what six years looked and felt like. Not being able to hit fast forward and get to that point again, is a struggle.

I know the roller coaster will pass, I know tomorrow is a new day and most likely, I’ll feel better. I could easily paint this perfect, pretty picture of how “great” everything is. How I’m making the most of all the time off, which in some cases, I actually am.

But, I would pretty much be lying. Truth is, I’ve spent more time scrolling through Instagram comparing myself these last few days (which let’s be honest, that is the absolute WORST thing any of us can ever do) than I’d like to admit. And being productive and consistent are almost nonexistent.

So here’s to anyone on the same roller coaster. That’s feeling a little less than themselves. Whose wheels might be spinning just as much. It’s okay to hit reset. It’s okay to start fresh. Tomorrow is a new day and in the meantime…it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere.

-MC

When we are young, we capture things around us like photographs. We see things that catch our attention. That inspire us. Pull on our heart. Captivate us entirely. We start to paint this image of who we want to be when we grow up, what we want to do, the type of house we want to live in. We dream of being a princess, a teacher, an actress, a doctor, a gymnast, a mom.

What we don’t ever have a chance to realize is that one day, this image will ultimately be out of our control. These dreams and wants typically change as we grow. Whether we are the ones who make the choice that they do or because our paths in life, simply lead us in a different direction.

It’s an easy fact that one day, there is a chance we will wake up and realize this is not the way WE planned our life. Chances are, it’ll hit us like a ton of bricks. We wake up following our same morning routine and wonder why. How did we get here? Where did we go wrong? But Darling, trust me, you didn’t go wrong.

We unintentionally set these goals at young ages. To graduate college. To be married by 22. Babies by 25. In the moment, we never have a chance to anticipate the obstacles we will be faced with over time. Mainly because we are too young to worry about those obstacles. We cannot yet understand the things that will impact these deadlines we’ve set. But from that young age, from the day we decide “this is what I want”, we hold onto our timeline and we don’t seem to let go until that day when we wake up and realize, those “deadlines” we set, have come and they’ve gone.

When our hearts are big and unbroken. Eyes are wide and optimistic. Our minds are full of creativity and full of potential because they haven’t been scarred by the world yet. We haven’t been, in some cases, manipulated, pushed and pulled to believe one thing or another. We haven’t seen all of the ugly. We haven’t learned to fear peoples thoughts or views. To be offended and bothered. To take things personally and feel hurt. We haven’t faced all of these instances that will teach us lessons and leave us slowly building our own walls. We haven’t started to slowly learn how cruel and unpredictable life and people can truly be.

We realize, maybe we are more introverted than we once were. Maybe we are afraid of falling both realistically and theoretically. Maybe we didn’t realize how easy lies were to be spewed and how quickly everything you knew could flip and change until you’re left questioning and wondering what path you’re even on.

We all come to this reality at some point in our lives. Sometimes, the dreams and goals we had, work out exactly as we hoped. Other times, there are bigger things in store for us. We’re faced with storms to walk through that will shift everything. Throughout these storms, we may not understand…we just know, this is not what we envisioned. This was not our plan. This is not what we wanted. But it’s where we are now and it’s who we are now. In most cases, the storms we go through leave us feeling unaccomplished. Unsuccessful. Uncertain. We feel almost guilty and ashamed. We stop seeing all the good we once knew and focus only on what isn’t. What we didn’t do. Maybe what mistakes we’ve made. What we haven’t accomplished. We wonder how much time is left? What can we still do. How late is too late?

But darling, this is where you belong. You have a purpose bigger than those dreams you had when you were little. You have a heart and a mind that is stronger. That has seen the world for what it is. That perhaps weathered countless storms but you’re here, standing firm with your feet on the ground. You set goals and dreams and they simply shifted. You didn’t get married, have the baby, maybe you didn’t go to college or become the doctor because you were meant for something different. Notbecause you are not worth it. Not because you do not deserve it. Not because you’re incapable.

Your purpose was simply bigger than the picture you painted for yourself.

You are where you belong. You are capable of big things because you’ve faced big things. You are worth it and it is never too late, to dream new dreams.