Toxic is defined as something poisonous. Something at risk for default. Or that is simply, bad + unhealthy. It’s ultimately the perfect and most common explanation to a relationship gone wrong. Whether it’s with a friend, family member or significant other.
We can usually find ourselves reflecting back to situations and being able to point out the unhealthy choices, words, actions and so on. However, far too often… do we overlook that we ourselves contributed to that.
It is so easy to point blame and realize what someone has done to us. How they had made US feel. What areas they needed to improve on. But it takes a lot more to step completely outside of the box- and understand how WE also became part of the problem. Honestly, we might have been majority of the problem. We tend to overlook how our behavior, made things unhealthy as well. How we could have done better. How our own flaws actually contributed.
With that being said, it doesn’t mean everything could be different. Fact of the matter, some people add fuel to someone else’s fire without even trying and that’s just how it goes. There is nothing wrong with simply not being good with someone. You can’t be everyones ray of sunshine and not everyone will be yours- no matter what you feel you bring to the table.
It’s important to understand that toxic traits can come in so many different forms. What we might not view as a big deal, can in all actuality, be pretty terrible. From not communicating properly, lacking self-awareness, being overly defensive, commitment issues. The list goes on and on. But these unhealthy traits, do not have to seem out of this world either. They can be as simple as hanging up the phone when you get into a disagreement. Thinking you can fix or change someone. Not listening to understand but just to reply. Ending your relationship after an argument. Never saying you’re sorry. Not communicating how something makes you feel or even just not asking for help when you need it.
We all have unhealthy habits, it’s being able to recognize them, accepting them for what they are and choosing to work on them- that makes the difference. Owning up to our imperfections and growing to become better- not perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist and the expectation of perfect, is toxic in itself.
At the end of the day, the state of simply being toxic, isn’t healthy. For anyone or anything. Understanding where we need our own improvement or where we struggle is key to becoming less harmless in other peoples lives as well as in our own.
-MC
Marilyn Colwell 