My goal with incorporating blogging into my small business, was to just keep things real. To share the behind the scenes, ups and downs, the feelings, thoughts and just life in general. The pretty, the ridiculous, the sweet and even the ugly.
So as far as being real goes…let’s talk about defeat. That is exactly what I’m feeling lately and I know I am so far from alone on that. It’s almost like… when you’re on a roller coaster and you’ve already hit the first big hill and now you’re flying over all the little humps until you feel the breaks kick in and you start ascending up next big hill. But those constant ups and downs in between, boy oh boy- that’s where I’m at.
My mind is racing non-stop, trying to process idea after idea, thought after thought, plan after plan. To the point I’m feeling burnt out, literally, without doing anything. Like I’m rushing around constantly and there is simply nothing to show for it.
I find myself thinking “okay, let’s just take a breather and reset” every few hours- until finally I hit this point of, “forget it, tomorrow is a new day”.
Most of it stems from the current state of uncertainty. Not knowing what’s coming next, when work will resume, what business will be like tomorrow or next week or next month. Wondering if the short-term goals that I’ve set are more so out of reach than I had hoped.
It feels like I’m pouring time and effort into everything without knowing if it’s even making a difference at this point. Like the wheels are spinning and you THINK you might be moving but you can’t quite tell. It’s exhausting. Basically “rebuilding” a business from the ground up – after having poured six years of blood sweat and tears into it. You think quarantine would be a breath of fresh air almost. All the time in the world to just focus on it. But it almost feels more exhausting than before. I think for me, it’s knowing what six years looked and felt like. Not being able to hit fast forward and get to that point again, is a struggle.
I know the roller coaster will pass, I know tomorrow is a new day and most likely, I’ll feel better. I could easily paint this perfect, pretty picture of how “great” everything is. How I’m making the most of all the time off, which in some cases, I actually am.
But, I would pretty much be lying. Truth is, I’ve spent more time scrolling through Instagram comparing myself these last few days (which let’s be honest, that is the absolute WORST thing any of us can ever do) than I’d like to admit. And being productive and consistent are almost nonexistent.
So here’s to anyone on the same roller coaster. That’s feeling a little less than themselves. Whose wheels might be spinning just as much. It’s okay to hit reset. It’s okay to start fresh. Tomorrow is a new day and in the meantime…it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere.
-MC
Marilyn Colwell 